


Nothing compares to you. Send feet pics?

by WenchicusThoticus



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Bad Flirting, Crack, F/M, Feet Pics, Flirting, Foot Fetish, Memes, Pickup Lines, Politics, Rejection, Texting, Twitter, obviously a joke fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:00:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23811979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WenchicusThoticus/pseuds/WenchicusThoticus
Summary: Ben may love crushing libtards, but nothing compares to his crush on AOC.
Relationships: Ben Shapiro/Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Comments: 18
Kudos: 118





	Nothing compares to you. Send feet pics?

**Author's Note:**

> I stole a lot of these jokes from Toilet Paper USA, so credit to the people who made those memes.

Ben opened up his Twitters DMs. Today was the day. He was finally going to ask out AOC. 

_Don’t get any wrong ideas,_ he told himself. He was just asking her to coffee, or lunch. It wasn’t a date.

He started to type out a pickup line. Well, not a pickup line. An opening to their conversation. 

_If liberals aren’t censoring the media, then why haven’t you responded to my DMs?_

No, it sounded too confrontational. He had to compliment her, not antagonize her. He started to type, his subconscious mind taking the reins.

_I may love crushing the libtards, but none of that compares to my crush on you. Would you like to go out for coffee sometime?_

No, no. Why had that even passed through his head? He deleted the text and stared at the empty screen.

The next thing he found himself writing was _If you hate global warming so much, then why are you so hot? Let’s get lunch._

Absolutely not. That was coming on too strong.

_The left says it supports religious tolerance, so will you let me worship your feet?_

Again. Too strong. He would save his foot fetish for their second date. Meeting, he corrected himself. They weren’t dating. _But let’s say, hypothetically, there was a scenario in which I was dating AOC,_ he thought.

AOC’s adorable profile picture stared back up at him from the top of the screen. While her face was a sight to behold, oh, what he would give to see her feet.

_Since you love to talk so much about redistributing wealth, why won’t you redistribute your feet pics?_

Was it not a reasonable request? Now that he’d started thinking about her feet, he couldn’t stop. But he had to come up with something else.

_If white genocide is a conspiracy theory, then how come every moment I’m not sucking on your toes, my whole world is black?_

Oh, God. Too graphic. Something simpler would suffice. Something that would reveal how badly he wanted to be with her. But not in that way. I just want to meet her. Talk about politics. Debate her.

That was it! A debate. He typed furiously, _Hey, I know I brought it up earlier, but you never gave me an answer. Do you still want to debate me?_

Perfect. He hit send, but not before he realized his mistake. 

_Fucking autocorrect_. Somehow “debate” had become “date.” He scrambled to fix this cataclysmic error, but it couldn’t be undone. _Debate. I meant debate,_ he sent quickly.

Ben’s heart skipped a beat when AOC responded. _Sure that’s what you meant, Ben. I can’t debate you, my schedule is packed well into the foreseeable future. Maybe some other time._

The perpetual smirk dropped off his face as his lip began to wobble. _Baby, are you a fact? Cause you sure don’t care about my feelings! How about we just go out for coffee then? It’ll be a half hour, he_ wrote.

_Sorry Ben. Like I said, I don’t have time._

_Can you at least send feet pics? I’ll pay you. It’ll be good for the economy,_ he frantically replied before his rational, facts-and-logic-filled mind could stop him.

Blocked, she wrote back. He clicked on her profile to see if it was true, and to his dismay, he could no longer see her tweets. Only her cute icon smiled back at him, and he began to weep, knowing that he could never have her.

Good thing Ben’s wife was a doctor, because AOC had just broken his heart.


End file.
